i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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