...so i touched it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize