Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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