ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
