I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
