It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
