so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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