so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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