My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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