I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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