How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
