he thought i was a dude.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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