I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
