where am i from again
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
