I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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