Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just cropdusted the office
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
