need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got inside last night via doggy door
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
