I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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