At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize