Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize