We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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