I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
