I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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