I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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