why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize