What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize