farters have to be the big spoon...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
pray to the hookup gods
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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