I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
