if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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