Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
