it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
