if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
