How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
