too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
