Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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