I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
