I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize