i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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