I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
