At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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