What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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