i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
