i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
