Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
