Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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