I puked a lego.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
