My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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