spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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