so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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