My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize