I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
