She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
