Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
