I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
