I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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