Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
