I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize