okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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