Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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