I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
