They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
